All you need is love right? She is out there, somewhere, the “one”. The girl of your dreams, your soul mate, or however you like to describe the term. You know how the story goes, boy meets girl, shes perfect, you fall in love and live happily ever after with your one and only. You find yourself in relationships with various women, subscribing to this idea that maybe this one is the girl that was meant for you, this is the one that will complete me as a man.
Well I have some news for you, you wont like this nor will the idea comfort you in the slightest BUT in order to become the best man you can be(psychologically) you need to understand this simple truth;
There is no “one”, she does not exist
A bitter pill to swallow isnt it? Knowing deep down there there is no one magical girl out there for you at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, it hurts to let go of this ideal because its something thats been beaten into you for the extent of your time on this earth.
But David! All the Rom-Coms, stories, books, advice, EVERYTHING says that there is a ONE special girl out there for me!
I wish I could tell you there was, I really do. As a rAFC and former Matrix plug in I bought into this idea with all the gusto you would expect from the average guy.
Why Do We Believe?
A number of reasons come together to form a unconscious ideal of this one mystical creature. The world in which we live push’s an ideal of the soul-mate myth because it serves the Femme ideal to do so. With such a premise solidified as the norm, men will spend the better part of their life’s trying desperately to find the “one” to please. Men will latch onto this sentiment, meaning it becomes ever so easy to overlook any major flaws a woman might be harboring in her character because she is his one.
Playing With Fire
The issue* in holding this ideal is both boys and men can become emotionally unstable in broken situations revolving around the woman they perceive to be their one and only. If she doesn’t love you back, if she cheats, or gives you reason to question yourself, it will hurt A Lot.
Men become needy/jealous/narcissistic and even put their lives on hold to better serve this “one”, or in many cases, better serve the idea that “If only I do this, she will see what an amazing guy I am…[Insert any number of Feminized male behavior’s here]”.
What Now?
As my favorite blogger Rollo says –
There is no ONE. This is the soulmate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something.
And its true, harsh as this ideal may be to accept. I know it hurts, I know its unfair, I know you just want to meet that one special girl that’s out there designed purely for you, I know I did. Though while the truth stings, it gives you permission as a man to be a man. Not to get hooked into this ideal and stop your own growth over a myth that never existed.
Understand, you will never meet the perfect woman. You will meet a few great ones, and being the man, it will become your choice to mold one to your liking. Cold? Calculated? Maybe but we are never told we are going to like the truth, only that it is in fact, the truth.
